As the mother of three children and grandmother of eight grandchildren, I have learned a lot
about what works and what does not when teaching toddlers to use the potty. In my experience, I have
found girls to be a bit easier to train than boys. I have heard that girls develop faster, mentally,
than boys and I wonder if that is a contributing factor. But, truth be told, no one really knows.
Some moms believe that the opposite is true; therefore, I would suppose it depends on the person
doing the educating. Either way, these tips work for both girls and boys.
The most common-sense first step is being quick and consistent in changing their diapers while
they are babies. This programs the brain to feel uncomfortable in soiled pants. Therefore, there is
more of a desire to use the toilet when they are tots because they do not like the feel of it on
their skin.
It is an absolute must to have a safe potty chair for them, or a ring that attaches firmly to the
ring on the toilet. The problem with the ring on the toilet is that while they are small they will
need a step-stool, or you will need to be there to place them on the toilet each time. The goal is
to have them want to do this for themselves. The ring is safer when they are a little older. I
found while training my youngest grandson last year that "Safety 1st" makes a great all-in-one potty
chair that converts to a step-stool for washing hands after. It also includes a ring for the toilet
as they grow, if needed. He was very excited that he could use the step-stool and turn the water on
by himself (remembering to use cold water) and wash his own hands.
Look for the telltale body language that says "I need to go" i.e. coming to a sudden and complete
stand-still with the hands quickly going to the crotch, the knees bending slightly, and the look of
urgency on the face. Our first reaction is to ask "Do you need to go potty?" Do not do that. It
insults their intelligence when it is so obvious that, yes, they do need to go, and more times than
not, their response will be “No” and there will be an accident. Instead, take them by
the hand saying something like "Let’s go use your potty" and lead the way. After a few times,
all you will need to do is say "Go use your potty." and they will go. After more time, you will not
need to say anything.
When there are accidents, and there will be some, at first help them to change their pants and
wash up. This includes letting them put their soiled pants into the laundry or trash, depending on
what type of pants you use. It is more cost effective to use cloth training pants than disposable
ones. After an undetermined amount of time (each child is different) they should be able to do this
without being told. If there is an accident on the floor, teach them to clean it up with paper
towels themselves. This lets them know that they are responsible for cleaning up after themselves.
They soon see that it is easier and quicker to use the potty, and they have more time for play. They
actually do like to do these things themselves, as it makes them feel more independent and like 'big
people'.
Never, ever, ever be cruel, condescending, or demeaning when they have an accident. That would
break anyone's spirit. Be calm and loving and reassure them that it is okay, it was an accident and
it will get better.
Perhaps the most important aspect of teaching a toddler to use their potty is to always, always,
always praise them when they are successful. This does not mean to reward them with candy or treats,
etc. I tried that in the early years, and was surprised when they soon lost interest in them.
The potty dance worked great for my son and daughters, as well as my grandchildren. You can make
up your own, and get them involved in hand-clapping and singing, something like "Yay! I did it! I
potty'd on the potty!" I would tell them "What a big boy/girl you are! Good for you!" They also like
to do high-fives. It really is all about them and what they have accomplished.
I am sure that I will remember some little tidbit that I forgot to put in here, but these are
what I believe to be the most essential tips for successful potty training. The best tip of all is
to be loving, kind and empathetic through the whole process. Remember they are just 'little' people,
and they are very intelligent. They trust us to guide them to success, and these times in their
lives are very fleeting and gone before we know it.
