When your partner up and decides to call it quits, it can really impact your life. Chances are
that if you're reading this, I probably don't have to tell you that. I know that things can seem
like they're falling apart, but rest assured that with a little work you CAN pull your life back
together and even get your ex back!
The first thing, the most important thing I can tell you, is to not fall into a nonproductive
depressive state. Things will never get better with you drowning in buckets of your own tears, so
the sooner you change your outlook on things the sooner you'll be able to do something about it.
Once you make that solid choice to take matters into your own hands and do what's necessary to get
your ex back, you're already on the path to achieving that goal. Making up your mind to do something
is half the battle, and once you get to that point all that follows is the careful execution of a
proven plan that's worked for countless others.
I know there's a chance that this comes a little late, but it's important to stay away from your ex
for a while after you've just broken up. Pressuring him/her to get back together, or even just being
around all the time could push your ex further away and ruin your chances of getting back
together.
There's a chance you've already made that mistake, but it's not too late to fix it. Back off a bit,
give your ex some space. In truth, you could use that time away from your ex as well, because you
have some self-work to do. I know that's an ugly word, "self-work," but bear with me here.
Knowing nothing of you, your ex, or your relationship together, I can still almost guarantee that if
he/she broke up with you the problem(s) is centered on you. It doesn't have to be something drastic,
but it's almost always the "broken-up-with" who's responsible for what turned the relationship sour.
I'm not trying to be insulting, it's just statistics.
The things you've done or haven't done could be just about anything, and I can't tell you what went
wrong, but I'm sure if you really think on it you can figure it out. Once you do, it's important to
make any changes, sacrifices, and compromises are necessary to ensure that your partner will be
happy being with you. If you don't think it's worth the trouble, then don't bother and try to find
someone else...but if you're really in love with your ex and can't bear the thought of living
without him/her, then you have to do what you must.
Once you HAVE figured out what's wrong, and really taken the necessary steps to fix your side of the
problems, enough time will probably have passed to the point that reestablishing contact with your
ex will be acceptable, but only if the contact is light and unassuming...perhaps a phone call or
email seeing how he/she is doing. The point of this contact is simply just to make yourself known
again, and open a few doors back up...do NOT start trying to get back together at this point. Take
it slow.
Feel out how the first contact went, and if it seemed like it went over well it should be safe to
continue contact, but keep it light and gradual. If you rush things too fast, you could dig yourself
a deeper hole that it'd be hard to crawl out of. Things are pretty delicate at this stage, so just
take it slowly piece by piece until you two are comfortable enough to spend a little time
together.
When you've gotten to the point that you're spending a decent amount of time together, make sure
that the things you guys do are associated with fond memories of the two of you. If you two always
used to like going for walks through a local park, have an afternoon there. Whatever you two used to
enjoy doing as a couple, it'll help to rekindle the feelings you had for one another...and your ex
could easily start wondering if perhaps calling it quits was a mistake.
Chances are good that you two will get back together, and if that happens I couldn't be more happy
for you. Congratulations, but remember that it's not just a downhill coast from here. You have to
make sure the changes you made to yourself to get your ex back have to stay made, and if you go back
to how it was before it'll probably end like it did before...and there are only so many times your
ex will be willing to risk the same heartache.
Remember always that this method is designed to be almost entirely passive, and focuses on
addressing the root problems of the relationship (or at least the ones you can do something about)
and stopping the trouble at its source. Let things work at your ex's pace, and it's really
preferable that he/she sees the work you've done and that getting back together is his/her idea
rather than yours. Never get too aggressive, or all you've been working for will be lost.
