Being a parent has to be one of the hardest jobs in the world. When we were children it all
looked so easy, and we constantly criticised our own parents for making disastrous mistakes, all of
which we swore we'd never make if and when we ever got to be parents ourselves. So here we are,
making whole reams of mistakes of our own, and finding that whatever we think is the right thing to
do, our children, or our children's friends have other ideas. We look at other parents, who seem to
manage fine, and then we look at our own mess and wonder what went wrong. Being a parent is very
much like being up a creek without a paddle, and the boat's leaking. Each day seems another battle
has to be won.
One aspect in particular which has worried parents today, and which was not an issue back in the
days when we were children, is the advent and proliferation of computers and other technologies
which allow our children to meet, interact and communicate online with people from all over the
world, and to spend hours glued to a screen focussing entirely on moving bunches of pixels from one
place to another in a desperate attempt to do strange things like finish the 'Quest of The j'Graa
Goblet' or seek out Lord Krakticka to pwn him with the rest of the guildies. If this means nothing
to you, then join the club - it's a big club, with a growing number of members.
Parents aren't idiots - we're most of us quite capable of working a computer, typing up a letter,
creating a graph and sending off some emails, but computers seem to have a whole other world built
in to them that leaves many of our generation reeling at the prospect. For those of us who shred our
telephone and gas bills before binning them, and always ask to see the identity card of the man
standing at our doorstep wanting to read our meter, the idea of happily posting your most intimate
details on a worldwide system for the entire world to see and do what they like with is awful.
Whilst having friends all over the world sounds appealing, having friends we have never met and are
never likely to challenges our understanding of what friends are. Just because you hang out in Doom
Forest killing dwarves from the opposite faction each evening doesn't, in our traditional book,
constitute a friendship.
Few of us can have missed the numerous stories on the news about children who go missing after
meeting up with someone on the internet. The statistics are grim, and the reality is clearly that
there are predators who use the internet as a way of accessing children. It's easy to view the
computer as the problem, as the cause of danger, and the temptation is to remove its presence from
the home entirely.
Of course, the truth is that computers, and the internet, are no more dangerous than any other
aspect of our lives. Yes, we could easily get knocked down and killed crossing the road, a tree
might fall over and crush us, or we might go on holiday and get killed by a falling coconut, but we
stand more chance of being killed in any of these ways than of any harm coming to us using a
computer or the internet. It's simply a matter of common sense. After all, crossing the road is a
fairly straightforward and relatively safe procedure, but lying down in the middle of the motorway
is clearly being ludicrously cavalier with our safety. Similarly, using the internet safely is fine,
but there are stupid things that we, or our children, can do which we need to be aware of.
It's important, therefore, that we appreciate what the real risks are when using the internet,
because the more we know and understand what the real risks and dangers are, the better we can help
inform and advise our children. If we allow them to take advantage of the incredible technologies
that surround us, but hold their hand through the learning stages, then we are all far more likely
to come out the other side unscathed. If you can understand more about chat rooms, messenger
clients, profiles and online games, then there will be more of a chance to chat with our children
about what they are doing. We all accept, I'm sure, that we can't ban them from living in the 21st
century, and so we have to accept that, just as we had to learn the dangers of the road, which was
not an issue back in our own parents' or grandparents' days, our children have to be taught the
dangers of life on the digital highway.
We are familiar with teaching our children about the dangers of the streets, and they are well aware
of the risks associated with strangers. They know not to open the door to strangers, not to talk to
strangers, not to accept lifts from strangers, and to simply run away and report anything
suspicious. But on the internet, strangers can have names, faces, profiles, histories, and the
advantage of distance. The problem is, of course, that our children don't see a stranger, when they
are looking at a profile of someone they're enjoying chatting to. The fact that the photo of a child
their own age, with a name, a school, hobbies and family, could all be fictitious is ignored. It is
so easy for people to hide behind fake profiles, and thereby lull children into revealing just
enough information to identify them.
There are other methods besides education which can be used, such as filtering software, monitoring
software to record all chat logs, and software that can limit or restrict either the websites
accessed or the times at which they can be accessed. Not allowing computers in the bedroom is
another good tactic - if the computer is somewhere public, such as the living room, then it is less
likely that your child will take risks, and it gives you the parent the chance to have a look at
what they're doing, express an interest, and learn more about the world they live in. Your child is
more likely to talk to you about what they're doing if you seem interested. Whilst restrictions,
software and spy-like monitoring can help, at the end of the day, it has to be about your
relationship with them, and the real world communication that takes place.
