Although it has probably been done for thousands of years, the term surragacy is a more recent
term where a woman who cannot have a child enlists the help of another woman to carry a child for
her. You and your partner (if you have one) are known as the 'commissioning couple', while the woman
who carries and gives birth to your baby is the 'surrogate'. Asking someone else to have a child on
your behalf is usually as a last resort but even so, the decision to do this should be thought about
carefully. Normally, surrogacy is used if treatment by In Vitro Fertilization has failed or a
medical condition prevents the woman from becoming pregnant, or could be dangerous if she did.
It's vital that both parties are fully committed to the arrangement and that you understand the
implications of what is involved now and in future years. To help in these initial stages it is a
good idea for all parties to sit down and discuss the situation with an experienced counselor. You
will also need to get legal advice before starting out. If the procedure is to be carried out at a
fertility clinic then all parties including partners on both sides, if there are any, will have to
undergo all the normal processes that would be carried out if fertility treatment were being
used.
There are two ways of having a baby with a surrogate; you can use sperm from a male partner, if you
have one, and the surrogate's eggs. In this case, fertilization is usually done by artificial
insemination or by Intrauterine Insemination. The second way uses the eggs from the commissioning
mother (sometimes eggs that have been donated) and the sperm from the partner. This method will
require the use of a fertility clinic in order for them to use In Vitro Fertilization.
Trust is vital, not least because you will need to agree on issues like antenatal testing - for
example, for Spina Bifida or Down's Syndrome - and decide what you will do if the baby had a
congenital problem. Of course, any potential surrogate should be capable of a safe and healthy
pregnancy and birth. Try and get support, if possible from friends and family, because it is
stressful both emotionally and physically. It is also important that the fertility clinic and
hospital are happy about the use of surrogacy.
The law regarding payments to surrogates varies around the world so be sure of what your financial
responsibility is before you proceed with this life changing decision.
It doesn't happen often but the surrogate mother might change her mind about handing the baby over
to the commissioning couple, even if the baby is not genetically related to her. This is another
reason why there must be absolute trust and commitment between all parties right from the start
because this could be very painful if it were to happen.
