“Sorry for the wait. Ms. LaPointe will speak with you now,” says my fantasy
assistant to yet another potential client begging me to write some copy for him. There’s a
line of clients out the virtual door, and they’re breaking out the sleeping bags and pup tents
to wait to talk to me about their projects. When they finally arrive at the front of the line,
it’s with gifts in hand. Ahhhhh, to be so popular.
Think you’ve got to reach superstar status to be choosy about your clients? No way.
Sure, when you’re just starting, you’ll probably kiss some frogs just to build a
portfolio. Eventually, though, you’ll get to pick and choose your clients. They’ll have
to pass muster to make it onto your calendar.
Except that sometimes, The Client from the Pit sneaks in and leaves you wondering whether your
“PITA” detector needs a tune-up. You’re left with a client who seems impossible to
please, whose feedback leaves bruises, and who you’d probably pay just to make him go away. If
only you could recognize this client BEFORE you take the project!
It’s really not about being snooty – it’s more about abundance and
self-respect. There are an infinite number of writing gigs out there; why on earth would you choose
the ones that sap the lifeblood out of you?
Top 5 Signs You Should Run – and Fast
- The Late Night Caller. Unless this client is calling from Australia AND does not own
a watch, there is no reason on earth you should get a call way after hours. Think it doesn’t
happen? I got one last night from an ex-prospective client.
- The Long Talker. This client seems to think you need her entire life history in order
to write a press release. She doesn’t come up for air. You begin to realize that IF you take
this gig, you’d darned well better charge by the hour.
- The Minutiae Man. You can see this one coming a mile away. Even the project
description is so exacting, so detailed, that you have to focus on it like you’re about to do
surgery. What are the odds he’s going to be easy to please?
- The Walking Wounded. This client’s project description begins with a tale of
woe, how she and her partner have invested all their time and money into this project. How
it’s six months behind schedule, and they’ve been done wrong by everyone involved.
Unless you have a Rescuer complex, you should pass. This project is a train wreck, and you’ll
find yourself picking up after everyone else.
- The Big Talker. This is the one who says his budget is really small for this
part of the project, but promises that if you do well for a tiny fee, he’s got lots more
work for you. Do you honestly want “lots more” of that?
- The “Disobedient” Client. OK, the title for that one’s
tongue-in-cheek, but you’ll understand. We all have different ways that we best absorb
information. For some, if they hear something, it’s burned into their brains forever. Others
(like me) need to see information. Tell me something, and I’m going to try to remember –
but you take your chances. I always ask clients to email me with details. If I’ve got to take
notes as you speak, I’m missing something. If I don’t take notes, I can’t depend
on my memory serving it up a week from now – intact. Yes, of course, I aim to please –
but short of having our phone call transcribed, I’m not sure how to accommodate the client who
won’t just email.
So what’s to become of these clients? Believe me, there are plenty of writers out there who
would be thrilled to land a gig from them. They’ll be fine.
You, however, who are building a thriving writing business, you can do better. And you’ve
got my permission to be a Working Writer Snooty Writer.
